Not Funny. Period

Why am I so rattled? I’ve been asking myself this question for days now. It’s not that sexism is alive and well and thriving in golf, because you just have to read the comment section on any golf post about women to know it is. It’s not that we need to debate whether Tiger’s prank was sexist or not, because it was. The reason I’m rattled is the fact that it appears at this point none of the stakeholders in golf have spoken out about Tiger’s actions. And if no one does anything to address the systemic problem in this sport, then where does that leave us?

Tiger is a professional athlete. His job is to play golf and get paid based on his performance. And usually at a job, there is an HR Department where issues like these would be reported and handled. If Bob from the sales department slid a tampon over to Jason in accounting at a board meeting in front of Helen who all work at the Hyundai Motor Company you can bet 100% that HR would be involved. But Tiger does the same thing in front of millions and the PGA Tour appears to do nothing.

We just spent the last few months hearing about how the PGA Tour stands for integrity. As Rory McIlroy was recently quoted in the Netflix “Full Swing” docuseries, “If I want the game to be sustained and be played by future generations, the game needs to be pushed forward”. And one of the arguments the PGA Tour used against joining LIV is that it’s backed by a country whose human rights issues are unapologetically atrocious. Yet Tiger plays a prank that effectively says women are lesser than and nothing is done? Where’s the PGA Tour now? If they are so against how women are treated in another country, shouldn’t they address how women are treated on their own turf?

So instead on being on the right side of the fight, golf says nothing. The people who are upset are attacked into silence, Tiger will get photographed doing some do-gooder act of kindness, this will all be washed over and we quickly go back to regular scheduled programming. All is right in the golf world again. Phew!

But where does that leave the ones who are upset? I can tell you the gas lighting has been exceptional. Being told that my feelings aren’t valid and that I have no right to be angry because it’s Tiger and how dare I speak poorly about him is maddening. His apology was even worse. “It was a joke between guys and I’m sorry if I offended anyone” is unequivocally not an apology. That’s like saying “I’m sorry you were hurt when I punched you in the face”. This age old saying of “boys will be boys” is physiologically damaging because it allows men to act any way they want with zero recourse. What about believing that guys will be held accountable for their actions?

I understand that Tiger is a hero to so many people. He changed golf for the better and people like me who make a living in this sport will be forever grateful for the positive impact he made. I have personally loved how he broke down barriers and inspired a generation of golfer who would never have thought golf was possible. He’s paved the way for new heroes like Sahith Teegala and Tony Finau who have quickly become some of the most popular players on tour for their amazing behaviour on and off the course. But heroes can screw up. It’s ok. The idea that they are perfect or that we will agree with everything they do is ridiculous. It doesn’t make them less of a hero, it makes them human. Mistakes are an important part of life. Tiger did screw up and the Tour has done nothing at this point. A lack of a response is a response. That’s like letting your grandpa get away with tossing out a sexist joke in front of all your friends and saying, “oh well, it’s unfortunately but that’s just the way he is”. The PGA Tour seems to have chosen to protect their business over women and in my books, that the same as the tour having the tampon in their hands. If this was handled properly there would be consequences to his actions, lessons would be learned and golf would become a better place just like Rory said. But nothing has happened as of yet and the underlying issue still remains, the view of women in golf by some people still makes this sport exclusive, not inclusive.

I’ve been saying this for years, golf needs to grow up. It’s not 1950 anymore and this sport is painfully slow to catch up. These jokes aren’t funny. I remember during my very first season working as a golf professional I was wearing a white shirt in the golf shop. This guy yells through the window, “Wet T-Shirt contest, show us your tits” and I was mortified, embarrassed and stunned into silence. I didn’t know what to do, I just froze. But my boss saw the whole interaction and walked straight up to him, demanded an apology and told him if he ever treated any one of his staff that way again he wasn’t welcome back. The feeling of knowing I’d be protected against these guys somehow made the experience less awful. I’d like to say that’s the only time I’ve been sexually harassed in this industry, but sadly it’s not. And so, the question remains, why in the face of something so sexist did the Tour remain quiet? Who’s protecting that little girl watching from her couch?

I grew up in the house next to the maintenance barn at the course where my dad was the head pro. I’m a 3rd generation golf professional so when I say my entire life has been on a golf course, it’s the truth. I feel lucky to say I’ve been supported by some of the greatest men in this industry, including my dad and grandfather, and I am forever grateful. But as much as I have had an amazing career, I’ve also had some terrible experiences with sexism and harassment at the hands of men. And after Tiger’s stunt last week, I am left feeling so disheartened because as far as we have come, we have so far to go. I honestly feel like I’m back in that golf shop being told to wet down my golf shirt.

The only way to change golf and make it more safe and inclusive is to admit that it’s broken. Staying quiet is not an option anymore. From the USA Gymnastic sexual assault scandal, to Harvey Weinstein, to the #metoo movement, to Title IX, to the Canadian Women’s Soccer team, women have been fighting for safety and equality for decades. Golf is not immune to what’s been going on in the world. And it only takes one person to stand up and say no more. Just ask Tarana Burke, Ashley Judd, Alyssa Milano, McKayla Maroney, Terry Crews, Taylor Swift, Uma Thurman and many others who came forward to tell their truth. Change can only happen when we admit something is wrong. I understand by speaking up I’m putting myself in the line of fire but my silence is costing me my integrity and I just can’t do that anymore. I have generations of young girls looking up to me every day as their coach and I feel I have a duty to make this sport safer for them and their families. But I can’t do it alone, I need your help. We have to speak out to make this better or it will never get better.