To Feel or Not To Feel
Emotions are almost always present in sports. Despite what many may think, you can’t run from them, you can’t ignore them, you can’t stuff them down because emotions are a part of being human and definitely a part of being an athlete.
The good news is that emotions are not inherently bad. They are just a piece of the puzzle that can be analyzed, managed and sometimes, utilized. Everyone has a blueprint of how they react to stressful situations, and it’s those dark corners that we need to explore in order to develop some understanding around managing our emotions. I hate to tell you, but the places you have avoided are EXACTLY the places you need to go.
Your first step is identifying the story in your head. “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not worthy of success” … whatever the recurring movie is, it’s telling you something. You lack confidence, self-esteem, you are terrified of disappointing your coach or your family. These stories often lead to feeling scared, shame, incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. And if you don’t understand that these are completely normal feelings to feel, you will beat yourself up even more thinking that to be a great athlete that you shouldn’t have those feelings at all. Which is deeply flawed thinking because any athlete in the face doing something great feels many emotions. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make that 6-foot putt.
Years ago, I had a college player who was on the verge of her best tournament of her career. She was on the 16th hole and was 4 under and called me over to talk. She was trying to make herself not feel what she was feeling. I told her to stop, breathe, get back to the discipline of her game plan, understanding negative self-talk isn’t truth, and doing her pre-shot routines. I explained there was nothing wrong with her because she was experiencing some deep emotions. We stood on the 18th green as she paced, I cracked a joke to cut the tension and I told her she was going to feel nervous but she can still make her putt if she focused on the right things. She made that putt and followed up the next day with another under par round and won her first college event. Feeling nervous.
Feelings are a natural part of sport. Creating space between the things that can happen on the golf course and our reactions is where growth lives. Your job is to get better at identifying what emotions are surfacing, developing a relationship with them, understanding how much stress is good for you, and work on creating disciplines to help manage yourself when your performance starts to suffer.
So, the next time you are overwhelmed with anger because you just hit your drive out of bounds, take a minute to breathe, reframe your self-talk, accept what’s in your control and that will help you stay on the good side of the fight.